Alex "Star-Burns" Osbourne
Occupation: Student
First appearance: "Spanish 101"
Portrayer: Dino Stamatopoulos

Alex "Star-Burns" Osbourne was a middle-aged student at Greendale Community College known for his copious facial hair and sideburns shaped like stars. He was a member of the campus' "cool study group", and a true music lover. Though Star-Burns was habitually laid back and sloppily dressed, he had a son who, in stark contrast to him, is incredibly businesslike. He took a number of classes with the main characters including Spanish and Boating, and he worked in the school cafeteria until the group got him fired for siphoning off chicken fingers for his friends. For the most part, however, he remained disconnected from the group and he sometimes seemed confused as to who the individual members in the group actually are. He did, however, know who Jeff is, and acts as the impromptu campus spokesman after Britta and Professor Slater both declare their love for him by saying everyone's waiting for Jeff's response to what happened. Though he enjoyed the attention he received with his sideburns, he craved an identity beyond them, and began wearing a top hat at the beginning of the second season, followed by carrying a lizard in the third. He was also well known to be a drug dealer, or at very least a habitual user, as evidenced by his demanding drugs from the students upon entrance to Fort Hawthorne during the season two finale, as well as the meth lab he was building in the trunk of his car. In "Basic Lupine Urology", he is killed when he is rear-ended and the meth lab in his trunk explodes. His funeral is held in "Course Listing Unavailible". However, in the closing sequence of "Introduction to Finality", it's revealed that Alex had faked his death (with the help of a book, entitled "The Science of Death Faking"). His hair was dyed blonde and cut short; he kept his star-shaped side-burns, however.

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